I’m happy today. I had a good day today. I smiled, laughed, and embraced today.

Ok, that was corny, but i did have a really good day. I found out that i have a 97 in Espanol. Yay me! I was also very proud of myself when I got most of the answers right on my algebra act practice in class. While the rest of the class cheated and copied answers, i worked hard and it paid off. Also English went fairly well. No nervousness, no sadness, the only negative part of the class was the synthesis essay we had to write. I’m soooo glad those aren’t for grades. I definitely need to work on my writing. \

After school I went to my grandma’s where I ate a bowl of popcorn and talked about plans for my new car with my dad. We decided to paint it white with red racing stripes. It’s going to be the coolest old car in the history of coolest old cars.

Work also went very well. Even though I didn’t feel well, I had a lot of fun, singing, dancing, and cutting pizzas. I did manage to burn myself three times. Once with marina sauce, and the other two on the oven. It hurt!!!!

 Well thats all for today, hopefully tomorrow will be just as good!!!

OK, so I’m officially obsessed with this band. All of their songs pertain to the current situation in my life. Wow, that makes my life seem so dramatic. Well it’s not, I just wish I could’ve changed somethings. There’s a song called “Tide” and one line really means a lot to me….”Heaven’s not a place to go when u die, it’s a moment in your life when you actually feel alive, so live for the moment”…..Yeah, I definitely love that line. When thinking about it, I realized I already had that moment, or at least I could’ve had it. I had about 30 seconds of it, and then I went and screwed it up by making the wrong choice. There’s another song titled “So Much”. It talks about butterflies in your stomach bringing you to your knees. Everyday when I turn the corner towards Eng. class, the butterflies start off in my stomach, but soon take over my entire body and I’m a wreck as he sits in the seat behind me. It kind of feels like my first real crush. I try to be perfect around him. I make jokes, I try to impress him, I make sure I don’t smile too much but that I do smile enough. I wish there was something I could do to change this. But I don’t want to mess up anything for him, because all I want is his happiness, no matter what that means for me. But I want him to know that I’m sorry I didn’t make a decision fast enough and that he felt he had to do it for me. If I had another chance, I know for sure I would make the right one in a heart beat….”How does it feel to know you’re everything I need”… another Spill Canvas lyric. Yep, I’m definitely obsessed.

Man, this day is going by so slowly. But it’s been pretty eventful. I woke up around 10:30 and watched Ground Hog Day, which is a very good movie. Then I had Popeyes for lunch, you can’t go wrong with fried chicken. After having a very pleasant lunch with my mom, Jesse came by for about an hour. We just sat on the couch and watched T.V. We didn’t really talk much. Once he left I got ready for the day. I went to Kmart with my mom where I used my debit card for the first time on a $10 ring that I’m madly in love with. Then I went to my uncle’s house where we hunted for cars in the paper. I was supposed to get an Acura, but it turns out it was too expensive. Tomorrow my uncle and I are going to Hackberry where I’m mostly purchasing a 1999 Nissan Sentra. I’m so excited. I can’t wait for this night to end. Even though today was alright, I really miss Sam. This is really killing me, I guess now I know how he felt a long time ago. It sucks. I guess I’ll just go to bed so I can’t quit thinking about all this. Look forward to tomorrow Keri, you’re getting a car. Smile Keri, Smile!!!!!!Goodnight!

Today was actually a pretty good day. I really didn’t expect it to be. But i was glad to know i still had my best friend. I really didn’t want to lose that friendship because it’s such a great one. I can tell him anything and I know he’s there for me. On a sad note, I ate lunch alone today, but I was totally ok with it, because I’m cool like that. I hope this weekend turns out ok. I have to work tonight but I’m stayin the night at Amy’s house afterwards, so that’s something to look forward to. As for Saturday, I’m supposed to be seeing a movie with Amy and her boyfriend, but boy will that night be tough. No where to go and having to know where someone else is. Not with me. It’s ok, it was my fault. I love him though and totally support him. Man do I love this guy. One day…..

I want to tear up the runway, but he won’t give it back. He won’t let me. He made me who i am now. He helped me take off. He pushed me to the edge and taught me to fly. He taught me to soar. I’m too high now. I can’t see through the clouds and it’s making it hard to land. I want to come down. I want to go back to the way things were. I want to rip off my wings and tear up the runway. But he won’t give it back, or maybe i just don’t want it back.

Ok, so i make good grades, i don’t drink, i don’t smoke. Im a good kid. But the way things are looking, i’m going no where fast. I keep telling myself, “this is the right decision.” Every time, it’s a mistake. Why is it that I can make an A in Chemistry but not when it comes to me and someone else’s chemistry. I’ll never get this right. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

That’s what song i’m listening to right now. It’s pretty good. About a girl giving her everything to  some stupid boy and he crushes her hopes and dreams. It’s really good. Makes me think.

Ok so anyways, this weekend was pretty good overall. It had its ups and downs. I went to the movies to see Smokin’ Aces and had lots of trouble trying to get in because evidently a student i.d. doesn’t cut it. But i nagged my way into that theater. There was no stopping this determined girl. I must say, after all the hard work I put into seeing that movie, it was well worth it. A+ Smokin’ Aces.

 Speaking of being determined, I informed my parents that I was thinking about getting a law degree and while they were proud of me, jesse was not. He doesn’t want me to leave, but you got to do what you got to do. I’m still not positive it’s what I want to do but if I had a law degree I could work my way to governor, senator, and maybe one day president. Then I could definitely change the world. I would also really like to be a teacher though. I still have lots of thinking left to do.

I really miss hanging out with my friends. I should’ve made time for them this weekend, but I was already so busy. I hope they forgive me. At least I’ll get to see some of them tomorrow at school. Unfortunately I don’t know when I’ll see the Kelvinator again. Stupid Keri. Haha, Stupid Keri, that makes me think of Stupid Boy. I’m not listening to that anymore, now i’m listening to Better than Ezra, which is an exceptional band.

Hey…..I miss you!

I click on the link. The page opens. The title makes me laugh. I read on. I’m not laughing anymore.

I heard it all. I heard what you said about me. You think I’m amazing. You say you’d stand up against problems that came our way. You think I’m beautiful, smart, and funny. You say you’re going insane over me. I heard it all. But did I really take it in? Well, I’ll give it a try. I’m trying. I tried. I’m scared. Scared of the decision I have to make. Scared of the unfortunate events and the fortunate ones that may follow. Scared of change. It’s been so long. I’m not used to this feeling. I’m not used to these words. I’m still not quite sure if I’m used to you. I want to be. I try to be. I’m trying to be. I tried. It’s hard. Your high class. I’m way down here. The sun shines brightly on your face each morning. I sometimes wake to a dark storm. I don’t want you to know. I’m scared. I’m confused. I don’t know. I’m trying because I heard. I heard what you said about me.

That’s right, I was forced into posting tonight.But it’s ok, I can see that it has been a while. So I had to work tonight, 5-9, yet here I am at 8:44 posting. I got sent home early because there was “too many workers.” Why did I get sent home, I need the money. Oh well, at least I have more time to do my english homework which I haven’t started yet. Don’t worry Mrs. Allan, as soon as I click publish, Im going to begin this lovely assignment.  Anyways, not much has happened lately that is worth typing about, except for the fight me and jesse recently had. That was a great fight, he bought me new shoes in the end. That’s terrible sounding. I didn’t actually enjoy the fight itself, I just enjoyed the outcome. They are the cutest, most painful shoes on the planet. I’m so in love with them. Do you know what I’m not in love with? Macbeth!!!Well I guess I’ll start on the assignment before I find something to type about.